Saturday, September 16, 2006

Wacky Religious Stuff For Christmas

The season before the season is now here. And I must say that it's just as weird as ever in the "wacky religious stuff" department.

On this year's slate of silly sacrilege:

First up -

It's "Religious Candy Cane Pacifier Rings!"

Individually wrapped with Bible verses celebrating Christ's birth! Peppermint flavor. 3" Fat-free.

Words fail me.

But there have to be at least a dozen jokes that could be inserted here... I guess we can at least be glad that they're fat-free.

Printed on the bag is Matthew 1:21-23. Baby Jesus. Baby toy. Candy. This makes sense to someone.

Next Up -

It's "A Stocking For Jesus" Stocking with Card!

Honestly, I'm not really sure which bothers me more, that Jesus needs a stocking for Christmas or that it's just so stinkin' small.

Here's the poem on the card:

"It is not great deeds we do in life that matter very much, but the Love with which we do them and the joy of those they touch! So lets hang this stocking for the Lord, to honor Him above. For Jesus did great deeds for us, and did them all with Love! Then maybe when we leave this life as every mortal must. We’ll find the Savior’s mantle hung with stockings just for us!"

Let's move on. There's a tear in my eye.

Next Up - It's "Plush Long Armed Religious Gorillas!"

Not really a Christmas item, but I didn't make up that title. That's really how they are listed.

Unfortunately, the furry little things all seem to be recovering from surgery.

Oh wait. That's a cross.

On a gorilla.

You know, now that I think about it, I think I've known a few "plush long armed religious gorillas" in a few churches along the way...

Last Up - (And also for all seasons, I might add)

It's "Religious Bouncing Balls!"


I think I'll just leave it at that.

...But if you purchase the balls, the web site recommends that you may also be interested in these: "Religious Paper Bags."

...Oh yeah. There's also an item in honor of anyone who buys this stuff:

"Religious Suckers"

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